How do I change when I am writing?
I become a person who knows with certainty that I am visible.
My deeply rooted self-hatred takes a bit of a back seat when I witness myself. By word swapping, I force myself to see Terry as I would an undiscovered friend. Any lovable soul, scarred by betrayal (including by self), powerlessness, hurt, isolation and little hope.
Unwittingly, I make friends with people who find some thread of commonality with me. Our worlds are often radically different but that does not stop us. Writers discover and thread themselves together in deep, lasting friendships every day of their lives.
I am an ex-introvert so I am not always very adept at friendships. However, I cannot help but develop some compassion and understanding for myself–that and some bewilderment. Why do I see myself so radically different from how ninety percent of the world views me?
I am desperate to keep talking. To discover and reshape my understanding of the truth. To temper the emotions attached to memories and events with my broader knowledge base and, yes, I will say it, the wisdom of age.
I must express myself fully. I need to share “Good Mornings” with people, tidbits of silliness, information, writing (including quotes), joys, sadnesses, new babies (including grandchildren) and Happy Birthdays.
My friends are brilliant! I need their comments or feedback more often than I would ever ask. As a lifelong student, I learn from everyone, everywhere.
They must know how much I love and respect them. If only I could convey how much gratitude I carry because of them. When I try, it usually comes out clumsily and out of nowhere. However, all that matters is that it comes out.
When writing, I transform by embodying the fascinating life of an ever evolving being and woman.